Recovering Hearts - Save your marriage! Save your Life!
Intimacy Anorexia
 
I have two major addictions, sex and something else called intimacy anorexia which is another process addiction. Intimacy anorexia is "The active withholding of emotional, spiritual and sexual intimacy from a spouse." While not as sexy (pun intended) as my other addiction, intimacy anorexia was more harmful because it was the sickness which prevented me, for decades, from getting any better. Every time I tried to break the bonds of my sex addiction, my intimacy anorexia reliably pulled me back. Here's how it worked. My IA was like a governor on an engine: each time I attempted intimacy, I could only go so far, until my governor said, "you can't go further, it will hurt too much". The anticipated pain of closeness was enough to push me away each time. This becomes such a powerful behavioral trait that I could virtually turn on, then off, powerful emotions of desire very quickly. I was always ready to back out first, before the other person ever had a chance. This became a noticeable trait in personal and professional situations; not to mention my on again/ off again relationship with God. This mechanism is explained in detail in a book and workbook by Dr. Doug Weiss.