About Marriage: Many, many, many sources provide advice for having a good marriage; and yet we know so many fail; what's going on? For starters, many marital struggles merely masquerade as something they are not. Are our marital weaknesses really "her controlling ways", or a "lack of communication"? There is no way you can have a high-performance marriage if you are fantasizing, looking at porn, masturbating, flirting or having an emotional affair.
Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her. Ephesians 5
Some things we can do, proactively, to make our marriages zing:
1. Honesty is the best policy; except for not telling her what gift you are giving for her birthday, THERE IS NO REASON TO LIE TO HER. Dishonesty is a cancer in any relationship and will always cause mistrust even if we think she doesn’t really know the truth. And this doesn’t mean just the parts of the truth you are willing to share; if you don’t tell her everything she should know, you are being dishonest.
2. Treat her as a person, don’t put her in the ‘wife’ object box. Before you ask for what you want; ask yourself, and ask God, what you can give her.
3. Engage her in yourlife; when you come home, make the first 45 minutes ‘her’ time. This tip is not only clever, it is supported by research; if you completely give her this time, you’ll actually get more time you can spend in your man-cave without penalty.
4. Pray with her and for her; make this a regular practice. I’m not just talking about prayer before the meal or even prayer at bedtime. Pray for her desires; pray to help her in times of trials; pray for her in your own Morning Prayer but also pray for her and with her, out loud, so she understands your compassion for her. I’m not a theologian and I don’t want to give you bad advice so you can check with your local theologian BUT, don’t always use rote prayers, pray from your heart; let her know your desires for her.
5. Rule of 7’s: Woo her; take her on regular dates, without the kids, no hassles, no fights, no worries. If babysitting is an issue, team up with another couple in a similar situation; let them take the kids when you go out and trade-off. DATES DON’T HAVE TO BE EXTRAVAGENT; some of the best dates can be a walk in the park. Take her on a date at least once every seven days; take her on a night away every seven weeks; take her on a weekend away every seven months.
6. Read with her, engage her; remember back to when your relationship was new and exciting? She was exciting to you and you to her; exciting ideas, exciting dreams. Reading with her can be the best way to once again stimulate that excitement. Read good books, sometimes a novel will be appropriate but try to read books which interest both of you. Imagine spending 20 minutes a night for a year reading books about saints. Imagine how stimulated & stimulating you will feel.
Whoever wants to be great among you must be your servant. Mathew 20
That’s not nearly an exhaustive list of the things we can to do to lead our families spiritually, but if you just begin doing those things consistently, you’ll find that your marriage and your life will blossom.
It is never too late:
I have done just about anything and everything possibly wrong to destroy my soul and my relationships, but today my life has changed. I’ve got great friends, a great wife, and a life of grateful spirituality; in other words, I’ve got everything a man could ask for in this life. Just 8 short years ago, I was ready to end it all. No matter where you are, no matter how far down you’ve descended, you are the answer.
We just have to be honest with ourselves:
Nothing, and I mean nothing, in my life changed until I began to admit that I was the problem. I hear men every day tell me “If only my wife did this, or wasn’t that, life would be great”. Please, if you are struggling in your marriage or you are struggling in your purity, look inside first; clean your side of the street, COMPLETELY, and you will learn who will join you on your great journey.